661 – How to Find Love (feat. Damona Hoffman)

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This episode is an excerpt from the Dates & Mates Podcast with Damona Hoffman. Damona is an expert on all things dating and relationships. If this is an area of focus in which you’re seeking improvement, give this episode a listen. 

If you like what you hear, search Dates & Mates Podcast with Damona Hoffman wherever you get your podcasts.

Here are two reasons why you should listen to the full episode.

  • Get a sneak peak at the Dates & Mates podcast. 
  • Hear advice given to two Dates & Mates listeners about dating and relationships.


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  • Do you need a step-by-step guide to build consistency in your life? Get a copy of The Consistency Code here!

Episode Highlights

I’m Looking for Friendship First, Then a Relationship That Builds Organically From That. How Can I Convey That in My Dating Profile?

  • Friendship first is a given for anyone seeking relationships on a dating site. 
  • State that you are searching for a serious relationship, not that you are looking for friendship. Anyone worth building a relationship with is going to seek friendship first. 
  • It’s not common for someone to expect you to commit on day one.
  • When you put it out there that you are searching for friendship (even though you’re looking for a serious relationship), you’re going to attract people who aren’t looking for anything serious. 

Why Is It So Hard to Find Someone Who Can Have a Good Conversation?

  • Conversation skills need to be nurtured and continuously used. 
  • With so many of us using apps and DMs, it makes sense that our conversation skills are lacking. 
  • Model the behavior you’d like to see in other people by continuing to start conversations with people and sharpen your own skills.

Which App is Best for Dating?

  • It’s not about the app – it’s about how you’re using the app and its features. 
  • Try out different apps, different features. 
  • You have to be proactive about making connections with people. There is no magic pill.

Chemistry is… what?

  • A liar! 
  • Damona suggests that one listener take the advice of her friends about a guy she’s been seeing. 
  • Listener Vanessa is struggling with knowing whether or not to give him a second chance, wondering if she’s being too naive in this situation. 
  • Damona points out the red flags in this situationship and reminds Vanessa that those sparks-flying feelings that we get during an initial interaction with someone should not be the only thing we base whether or not we want to go forward on.

5 Powerful Quotes

  • “Friendship first is a given for anyone seeking relationships on a dating site.”
  • “Generic pickup lines come in when you don’t have a genuine connection with someone yet.”
  • “Model the behavior that you want to see in other people.”
  • “Our friends can see things that we can’t, especially when we catch feelings.”
  • “Other people will take as much of your time and as much of your emotions as you allow them to take.”

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Hosted by
Gregg Clunis